This is what you get

Laying there by yourself listening to the wind break down the troubles of being whilst your seemingly enjoyable life slips into a geriatric coma for two, ego included.Laughing use to be such a joyous thing to get into yet these days of late have shown no signs of becoming less and less the friend I admired and told dirty secrets to. I've sat in this very chair thinking of what has become of me, so late in the season for self loathing but getting and early start for the year of the Tiger. Carry on, they say, but what is that really? This ol saying bringing you a load of go fuck yourself and some of the same generic response to the sound of your heart breaking in a million pieces when finding out that your life isn't what you planned or wanted or thought it should have been to a happily ever after, it never is. The man you were about to marry turns his head and coughs suddenly your penniless waiting tables for yet another fucking chain trying to crawl out of the shit storm which is now your life, funny thing you created it.

  Lying there waiting for the answer of a lifetime to fall upon my lap like it once did as a young adult now the elusive key to all takes a vacation and a steaming pile on my childlike emotions for good ol time sake. 

  Say it isn't so. . .a pity party? How many this time little girl, the well has been dry and that proverbial back burner I have been saving went softly in the night, he left in that fashion. I feel as though this is exactly what you get when you pay little to detail and lots to the shiny abject that speaks to you in a cool but not so dirty voice sending you into a frenzy which ultimately makes you do bad things for no good reason. . . I listen. Same it shall always be with me wanting and can't have. Desiring but never getting and forcing myself to do what everyones else does in a time like this. . .cry like a girl.