According to me

I knew this girl when I was a kid, we use to hang pretty tough. We both came from semi-broken homes, pretty smart, pretty tough when need be. We were thick as thieves. She would always know what to say when shit got real. She would pick me up when I couldn't. She would give me that advice I never asked for but she knew I might need it later on...that kind of homie. For years we were inseparable. 

 These new peeps started coming around and she liked how they stood up for themselves. She liked how they weren't take any shit from anyone and they didn't give a shit about anyone, disrespectful and not my brand. The more and more she hung out with them, the more and more we did not. I'd see her every now and again but she would constantly be in your face talking some kind of smack. She would use the N-word more often, that wasn't the jam for me either so I bowed out politely. I didn't see her for a very long time.
 

Once I saw her in passing she looked bad, so angry in her body posture and movements. I shot her a smile and she responded in kind. look like she had been through something. Months later, I began to see her at various places, I continued to be polite because she never treated me poorly so I stayed positive with her. It was only when my shit was a complete mess did I see her begin to look alive. She looked...vibrant. She looked like she got her shit together. I was really happy for her. Months went by and we would see one another but we would never stop to say hi, just a smile and a wave.  And at that time, my life wasn't looking all that wonderful. I wanted whatever she was having because it worked marvelously on her but I moved away before I could ask, getting my shit together was priority #1. 

When I moved, whatever I did, everywhere I went, I thought of her. I believed If I turned around she would be there in some random form. I'd see her in places around the New city. Coffee shops, Malls, nightlife and she was dressed up, always. She looked so much more mature, stronger somehow and I needed that in my life so... I started taking people out of my life that no longer fit. I let go of things that caused me pain. I began to look at myself more and dream and then, New Year's.

 

New Year's day 1 at a party with hundreds of other people, she was groovin. In the middle of a crowd where I knew only 1 person, there she was, then it hit me. A question I should have asked myself so long ago, Why was she so important to me?  She was always there when I needed her and when  she needed someone, I turned my back on her. I felt awful. I slowly began to practice my approach. What I was going to say and how I was going to say it. I was gonna try to convince her that I prayed for her return and I don't pray, but I prayed for her. I really missed her. I wanted my approach to be smooth but leave it to me to fuck it up and say some dumb shit out of nervousness, she at least giggled at my approach. We are slowly working towards a different kind of friendship and its interesting how I let go of some things while she has grown in ways I only aspire to.

Hip-hop was a big part of my youth. Not only did it carry me through but it shaped me as a child which is apparent as an adult. We've been through some shit which is why we are now combining our experiences to tell a bigger story. She's changed. I've changed and we both made it out alright. #peaceBDaJourney