The Veil has Lifted
I decided to travel and let go of my conventional life.
What I am suppose to do has been plaguing me since birth, I believe, as a Black Woman, I was fed," You are Black therefore, you MUST listen to Black Music, date Black Men, go to Black Schools and you may not deviate from this notion"...says society.
What my family encouraged: Learn everything you want to with passion, be better than your examples, be grateful for everyday because you are not guaranteed tomorrow, you can do anything you want with hard work and respect your elders.
What my friends taught me: They don't see me as Black, they see the person the being the spirit who has many talents and facets to her.
As I got older, I had my own experiences. These experiences were one of inclusion, happiness, love, food, magic, dancing, gathering, enjoying, learning, failing, triumphant, mistakes, amends, challenges and breakthroughs. This was not what I was prepared to tackle although I was warned these things occur in life as we know it. Through heartbreaks and expectations I learned that not everything is black and white and not everything belongs to you. With many trials and tribulations I have succeeded and failed so often that the original dream to dancing to my own beat slowly turned into, "Make yourself smaller. Don't talk so loud. Don't be too friendly. Don't be too smart. Don't be too sexy. Don't be so happy. Don't dream big. Don't talk so much. Don't ask for things. Don't be so aggressive. Don't be so passive and certainly Don't be free with yourself".
As a Black Woman in the united States there is much for you to be proud of but, yourself isn't one of those things. You may be proud to be Black and a Woman but not both. Being a proud Black Woman has stigmas, as you can imagine, like some of which I explained earlier. This causes a mental prison but let's be clear, that prison was embedded since I discovered my self. It was up to me to not pay attention to the rhetoric forced fed to young girls and young Black Girls. Slowly but surely I drank the cool-aide because it was lonely paving the way by myself with thoughts not many were thinking nor was I exposed. The notion that we are all people and Human Beings on this planet with no help or rescue was the singular truth I carried with me for a while. Then. Life.
After a series of let downs, disappointments, heartbreaks, empty promises, lies, deceit, and the occasional carnage (death, dying, lost) one could say the camel has no back and broken was a welcomed condition more than what I recieved. PTSD and Depression isn't a gift, I thought, yet it was in its own rite. I won't go into what that was like for me but I will say that there's is nothing like feeling completely hallowed and lifeless with the hope that the end result will be bigger and better than you ever wished for. Losing everything isn't as bad as one may think, in fact, it clears the way to rebirth and reinvention of oneself and sometimes back to the beginning of discovery. What come forth for me, endless possibilities. Shackled to my own what is made me bitter and angry towards life as if it were cheating me in some way, only to find out I was cheating myself. Once the Veil lifted life took on new meaning.
These last few years have been an enormous gift. My breakdown, my world crashing in on me and friends, I thought, leaving in groups and droves didn't discouraged me to give up, it encouraged me to just move on.
A Season. A Reason or a Lifetime is what I know to be true. Some people don't make the cut and that is alright. Making room for the people who celebrate who you are and not tear you down for being who you are is a great lesson as an older adult without a compass. Not everything is learned when you want but when you need and sometimes you will repeat this lesson time and time again. After the Veil dropped off my face there was no hiding nor pretending. conversations, if not productive or deep and real, do not interests me one bit and I'm not apologising for that...ever! I want to know the real and the true. I want to hear the hard times and the good times and how your alchemy won over. I want to be engulfed in the life that breathes through you and how you want to be seen, heard and felt moving forward. As I traverse Costa Rica I am reminded by the ancient winds to flow like water, be still like oak and take flight like birds whenever you see fit. The Veil has Lifted my friends and I am not going back, I'm moving forward.
What I am suppose to do has been plaguing me since birth, I believe, as a Black Woman, I was fed," You are Black therefore, you MUST listen to Black Music, date Black Men, go to Black Schools and you may not deviate from this notion"...says society.
What my family encouraged: Learn everything you want to with passion, be better than your examples, be grateful for everyday because you are not guaranteed tomorrow, you can do anything you want with hard work and respect your elders.
What my friends taught me: They don't see me as Black, they see the person the being the spirit who has many talents and facets to her.
As I got older, I had my own experiences. These experiences were one of inclusion, happiness, love, food, magic, dancing, gathering, enjoying, learning, failing, triumphant, mistakes, amends, challenges and breakthroughs. This was not what I was prepared to tackle although I was warned these things occur in life as we know it. Through heartbreaks and expectations I learned that not everything is black and white and not everything belongs to you. With many trials and tribulations I have succeeded and failed so often that the original dream to dancing to my own beat slowly turned into, "Make yourself smaller. Don't talk so loud. Don't be too friendly. Don't be too smart. Don't be too sexy. Don't be so happy. Don't dream big. Don't talk so much. Don't ask for things. Don't be so aggressive. Don't be so passive and certainly Don't be free with yourself".
As a Black Woman in the united States there is much for you to be proud of but, yourself isn't one of those things. You may be proud to be Black and a Woman but not both. Being a proud Black Woman has stigmas, as you can imagine, like some of which I explained earlier. This causes a mental prison but let's be clear, that prison was embedded since I discovered my self. It was up to me to not pay attention to the rhetoric forced fed to young girls and young Black Girls. Slowly but surely I drank the cool-aide because it was lonely paving the way by myself with thoughts not many were thinking nor was I exposed. The notion that we are all people and Human Beings on this planet with no help or rescue was the singular truth I carried with me for a while. Then. Life.
After a series of let downs, disappointments, heartbreaks, empty promises, lies, deceit, and the occasional carnage (death, dying, lost) one could say the camel has no back and broken was a welcomed condition more than what I recieved. PTSD and Depression isn't a gift, I thought, yet it was in its own rite. I won't go into what that was like for me but I will say that there's is nothing like feeling completely hallowed and lifeless with the hope that the end result will be bigger and better than you ever wished for. Losing everything isn't as bad as one may think, in fact, it clears the way to rebirth and reinvention of oneself and sometimes back to the beginning of discovery. What come forth for me, endless possibilities. Shackled to my own what is made me bitter and angry towards life as if it were cheating me in some way, only to find out I was cheating myself. Once the Veil lifted life took on new meaning.
These last few years have been an enormous gift. My breakdown, my world crashing in on me and friends, I thought, leaving in groups and droves didn't discouraged me to give up, it encouraged me to just move on.
A Season. A Reason or a Lifetime is what I know to be true. Some people don't make the cut and that is alright. Making room for the people who celebrate who you are and not tear you down for being who you are is a great lesson as an older adult without a compass. Not everything is learned when you want but when you need and sometimes you will repeat this lesson time and time again. After the Veil dropped off my face there was no hiding nor pretending. conversations, if not productive or deep and real, do not interests me one bit and I'm not apologising for that...ever! I want to know the real and the true. I want to hear the hard times and the good times and how your alchemy won over. I want to be engulfed in the life that breathes through you and how you want to be seen, heard and felt moving forward. As I traverse Costa Rica I am reminded by the ancient winds to flow like water, be still like oak and take flight like birds whenever you see fit. The Veil has Lifted my friends and I am not going back, I'm moving forward.
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