Dating a Laywer: Surprise Surprise Part 1

 

 

“It’s not your research it’s your attitude. Why am I telling you how to conduct yourself in a court of law!”

 The courtroom fell to the grave. I watched as my colleague get his ass handed to him. Opening the door to object to the judge isn’t the smartest idea I have had this week. My popularity votes are not what they use to be after a few shaky court sessions so pushing it now would not be in my favor. I watched as the confidence drained from his fancy law degree then into his $1400 leather shoes. I would gloat, I’m a fucking New Yorker, but this one seemed like he kind of deserved the beating but not the shoelaces if you get me?  When the court had adjourned, later in the evening than I would have enjoyed, I thought I would be unneighborly and see if he was going to need anything after that colossal ass pounding. The judge called both of us in his chambers and my sinister self-felt the gravity of the asking. It could have been anything that transpired in that courtroom today, but we all knew why we were called to his chambers and, it wasn’t going to be pretty.

 “What in Perfect Hell was that back there, team?”

Team? When did we become a team? I thought this was a court of law and every dog for himself? I think we may be witnessing a mental breakdown.

 “Your honor?”, sheepishly escaping from his left-over confidence, “To what are you referring?”

The judge's face turned 25 shades of you are fired and 69 tones of you smug son of a bitch. It has been a real long time since I’ve seen that shade.

 “Sir, if I may,” jumped right out of my body from that barn door swung so wide. “What my colleague meant to say was that he regrettably made some decisions and may have eluded to some inappropriate gestures that would not be repeated, knowing the consequences if, in the future, memory does not serve him well."

The judge let out a laugh neither one of us was ready to respond to quickly without confirmation.

 “I am yanking your chain!”

Says the judge who almost gave both of us the heart attack they promised in law school. For what seemed an eternity of uncomfortable laughter, both my colleague and I stood puzzled. In the courtroom, we all have our game faces on, and we keep things pretty business as usual. When we get back to the chambers if ever, there are negotiations and maybe a shared dark-humored understanding of the situation which was tastefully placed; this, was something different. Either we are witnessing a complete breakdown, or this joke he was having all by himself needs a better punchline.

Wiping tears “You should have seen your faces! Can’t get any better than that, I’ll tell you what. Look, kids, this shitshow of a case did not turn out well for anyone. You, young sir, have a very long way to go before you can even begin to start shoving your dick into small spaces. This veteran beside you saved you several times without your knowledge and not a nod or head-toss her way. You should be thanking her. And, as far as I am concerned, you’ll get the hang of it soon enough, truth be told…if you ever decide you are smarter than, more clever than, one-up on any judge in this courtroom, you would be sorely mistaken. Keep your nose clean and your story straight and we don’t have to talk about this little incident again, am I clear?”

“Crystal, sir. Thank you, Sir.”

He dismissed us both with a huge grin on his face and the satisfaction of a Dad getting over on some boy who thought he too could be clever. Judge also asked that I hang back. As my colleague departed, we locked eyes for a moment. I saw the look of relief, I’m sorry and good luck wrapped in one. I felt like I stood there in silence at the principal’s office waiting for my parents. His long pause while he collected himself was a bit unnerving considering, I did not know if he was having a stroke or not. It would be a shame too because Judge is a looker and not married. Crazy is crazy, I keep telling myself.

 “You know, I am aware of the nicknames people have for me and others here at this courthouse.”

“Oh?”

That was the only response I could give him. Where the hell was he going with this?

 “I will say that yours is my favorite. Tells me exactly who you are and it hasn’t disappointed, Danger Mouse.”

 When the name echoed in Judge's chambers, I felt like hiding in my skin. The name came about when I was in law school and it has followed me ever since. Truth be told, I enjoy the name when I’m getting fucked more than anything. Hearing the judge say it out loud did not inspire the normal intention. I guess my eyes were like dark tunnels because the judge asked, “are you listening, Danger Mouse?”

“Sir, it is not necessary to continue to use that name, its unprofessional and does not translate well to my clients. I would be grateful if you would not use it in front of my colleagues.”

The look on the judge’s face reminded me of my place here. I stood my ground and found my courage. Looked judge dead in the eyes and…he laughed, again. This time, more-hardy than the previous. I thought a couple of times he was going to choke. The bending over, knees bent, hand strong-arming the chair keeping his balance, face red as an apple, gasping for air. The entire scene was fascinating however, I am in work mode and this was a friendly cocktail joust.

 “Please forgive me. I can’t help myself. It’s my last day today. I didn’t announce it. I didn’t want any parties. I just wanted to go out with laughter and fond memories and you two were the chuckles I needed to send me off, not to mention, get a few ribbings in for myself. Danger Mouse,” there it was again, that nick-name.

 “Danger Mouse, I have admired your work ethic and hustle for many years and have not had a drink, shared a story, told a tale nor invited you over for a BBQ. We have had a good many years grilling and talking and sharing our families together but, you didn’t seem like the type to want to engage and, for that, I am sorry. Allow me to take you out for a drink now?”

I’m being asked out by an exiting judge who thinks I’m the bee’s knees and has made mention an invite to a BBQ involving other constituents at his private home? I do not know where to place any of what’s transpiring right now but I’m going with the flow if this means I get to work with the Big Boys.