Velma Jean Gross

I miss you everyday. I can think of many occasions where I want to share a part of my life that none of the sisters would understand but would try to. There have been many events that should have had you, parties that needed your essence, BBQ'S that deserved your personal touch and hugs that only you can administer. From when I almost died to when I got married there was an absence deeply felt. I promised you that I'd become a Doctor someday so didn't have to work anymore, struggle anymore and worry for nothing. Upon your departure, I stopped truly dreaming, breathing, exploring and living...not what you requested. Lost the plot to let thicken. For some reason, life lacked it's illustrious luster and color when the sun set upon you, I too took that for granted. Instead of being present with the awe of your glow I wallowed in selfishness that was my sadness. Apologies. You did not raise me to be thoughtless and ungrateful. The special event I got to experience was lost on my young kind until today, funny how that always happens. It is now that I am applying for school to receive my PH.D in neuromuscular pathology that I see. I see the light you left. I see the road you worked tirelessly to pave. I see the truth in your wildheart chaos laced with wisdom.
I don't aspire to be you or follow your footsteps. I don't aspire to repeat your mistakes but they too helped me get to this point which I am so grateful. It wasn't until I had a huge responsibility laid on me that I saw clearly. Now that I am awake, I will never sleep. When I walk on that stage with my diploma and PH.D in hand...I will know the struggle was real but necessary. The long nights and sleepless days, the hard days the good days the impossible to reach my personal happy place times will be for a greater end result. All because I knew, at this moment,  who my Mother was and what she gave me to bless others with...L.O.V.E <3

  Dear Mom,
  I hear you. I feel you. I am you <3
#lildragonbigspirit