You get my feather b/c you aren't worth my bird.

I didn't give you a chance to speak when last we spoke because you lie so often, (or in your case leave out information in hopes no one figures otherwise) my shattered soul doesn't need anymore BS from you. You say you didn't see this coming, I beg to differ. The day you started not caring you knew this was the end. The day you told me you weren't putting fourt effort you knew, and the day you decided to tell your then wife what you thought of her instead of having a dialog about frustrations or going to a counselor with her to promote longevity with your so-called best friend and wife, you knew this would be the end. 

 How to overcome your oppressor after you have been set free? Good question. When you find out let me know. I try not to live in "what could have been" B/c that doesn't help the present state of life and its quality. Id like to say positive things that would give us both some spiritual relief but I'm tired of being the one who grants safe passage from truly deplorable behavior done unto me projected onto you and vice versa. 

I wish in ever met you Brook Hardenstine Johnston but because I have, I now have the pleasure of breaking people down before we actually meet, I scrutinize everything anyone says and live a solitary life. Is it all your fault? No. I was stupid enough to allow you in my soul and run around without restraint. Is there room to move through this? Of course there is, gorilla glue is tougher than nails but I doubt all will be contained. If you thought for a moment I haven't beat myself up over the shit I've said and done well....you did not have the pleasure of seeing me at 113lbs crying everyday, not eating, not talking, not living because living without my so-called best friend and husband was devastating....well. Like I've said, its pointless at this juncture but I will bring perspective if I can.

I booked and cancelled many flights to visit you so we could sit and have dialog but I knew you would not care because you've said so. I've started many trips to reconcile the broken parts, as to not give up on my promise to be as good if not better than the people who have come and gone in your life but I fear they had a right to leave. I've replayed what the purpose could have been so that I may come up with a solution to this seemingly small conundrum but if I'm the only one, according to you I was, willing to do the work then the work becomes pointless. Those were the things wrestled in my brain while keeping close contact with you trying to be a better friend since you did not want my love. It became increasingly clear you wanted neither.
 

 I was told nothing will come from my anger at you and the failed marriage by being just as demonstrative as my captor hit a cord. In all aspects of my life I am whole except this. Because of this, I can't love or say "I Love You" with feeling or meaning behind it. I use to be so full of want in this capacity. Your fault? Not exactly. I allowed your sickness to infect me thinking you are supposed do everything possible for those you love. Even after everything, I forgive your examples who plagued you infecting me. I don't pretend that you did not have a hand in this as you are an adult with skills to surpass transgressions yet, I obviously thought more of you than you yourself. Someday I hope to really feel this statement as I know I will need it to be free. And when the time comes for fate to land us in the same place face tho face, my hopes are as follows...

I'm sorry.
I love you.
Please forgive me.
Thank you- Hawaiian Proverb